i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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