It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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