Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
