Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
