Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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