I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
