my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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