and i looked up. we had an audience...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
