Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
