last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
