i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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