i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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