I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there is glitter all over my balls
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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