If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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