Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
