do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
