he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
