How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
