True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
