i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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