You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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