The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there is glitter all over my balls
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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