He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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