You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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