wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
