Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize