Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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