Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
