Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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