now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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