he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
