I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
