Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
