you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
