He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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