I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
