I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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