I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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