She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The air taste purple.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
