i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
