So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
