hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
