u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
