a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
