"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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