She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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