I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize