I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
