my sisters under your porch take her home
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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