An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
