i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
