i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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