What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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