I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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