ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
