btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
