if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
