I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
