there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
