and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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