YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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