Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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