What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
