I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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