Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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