Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
God, I missed his penis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
