Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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