Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize