hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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