well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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