A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I want is dick and wine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
