apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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