Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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