Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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